Sunday, July 31, 2011

Putting it in Perspective: A Conversation with Dolly-girl D'Mestiere

"Saints alike, Jack, I plugged your numbers into an app on my new iPhone (® along with the rest of the currently known universe, and points beyond, by Steve Jobs) and I see you've walked from here to Rugby, North Dakota, the geographic center of North America!"

"Right, Dolly-girl. As Roberto says, the good thing about being in Rugby is that what ever way you go, you're headed to the beach. But, I think I've only walked to Shelby, Montana."

"Why's that, Jack?"

"'Cause I'm coming home to you, Fiora..."

Update from Stumptown: Waddling Through July

The results are in. Thirty-one days of waddling yielded 237.04 miles, a worn out pair of shoes (after over 670 miles), and an additional 4 pounds of LARD! left on the streets of Stumptown!

I continue to collect data as I know Dr. Rachel S. Graves, MD is all about data and she will give me a knowing and approving smile and nod the next time I see her. And, Professor Javier Boleyn just has to be proud!

You may recall that this all started one year ago with this post:

You may also recall that it was inspired by the very trim President Bill Clinton who has been whispering in my ear for the last year. Inspiration, I like, but do I have to hear "Chels, when are you gonna have a baby?

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Waddling Around Stumptown: Marking a Milestone.

"Here comes one on two hops, Jack!" "Thanks, Bar-Am, no trouble fielding that one." "I guess not. Just like back when you were playing the second bag, eh?" "How'd you know I was an infielder?" "I got your Rookie Card, Jack. Cleveland ball club, a long time ago." "Yep, another time, another story, Bar-AM, but it's as true as my life." "Never did find another card though." "Nope. Rookie. That was it. Curve balls. Not sayin' more. Nice of you to hold the card though. I could sign it for you..." "Naw, I don't think it would help. I tried to trade you for a Pat Corrales Manager Card--do you know he averaged 28 and a half games out of first during the 5 years he was managing--and I never did get even a nibble. Anyway, why the teeth showing through your mug today, Jack? What's tickling your fancy other than that tall cold one and the beautiful day outside?"

"Well, you know Bar-Am, it's not the taster tray of Imperial IPAs I just knocked off down the road..." "Yeah, someone told me you were in another joint. I was gonna be hurt if you didn't show up..."
I continued, "It's the fact that for the fist time in God-Knows-How-Long when I look down I see my belt!" A hissing sound filled the room, followed by "Eleven years, Jackie-boy, that's how long it's been." "OK, so God and Professor Javier Boleyn both know. Anyhoo, I noticed this week that when I looked down, I didn't see the familiar LARD!, but an unfamiliar shiny metal object."

"Bar-Am, please include the cost of Jackie-boy's beer on the monthly invoice for placing the Boleyn's Eye View (® Boleyn Enterprises) cam and mic. I know you've been swimming upstream metaphorically, Jackie-boy, and I'm quite proud of you for championing the 2-Step Duh! Diet. You have literally walked your ass off, Jackie-boy. Look at this silhouette captured by the Boleyn's Eye View Sky Cluster (® Boleyn Enterprises) this afternoon. Look there on the left at the top of your leg. Your ass is missing."

"Well, that's one gumshoe job I'm not going after, Professor. Wherever it is, it can stay lost! Catch you later, Bar-Am, I got concrete to wear out!"

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Waddling Through June: 204.02 Miles on the Streets of Stumptown, Boise, and Juneau

June 30, the results are in. June is my waddlingest month so far. Professor Javier Boleyn will no doubt have a comment before long...

Saturday, July 9, 2011

A Night Out in Stumptown: La nostra cena anniversario di Enzo's Caffe Italiano

I heard Dolly-girl humming to herself while she was clipping flower stems at the sink in the kitchen. She'd been riding Maude, her new Townie, and I'm not talking about a person living in Ithaca, if you get my drift. She'd been out on what she calls a "rescue mission", scooping up flowers that are laying over on the sidewalk or in the yards of a certain abandoned house she eyeballs from time-to-time. I walked in, snapped the cap on a Lucky 13 (© Lagunitis Brewing Company, image too) and pitched my idea.

"Perché non provare quel nuovo ristorante italiano su Alberta? Enzo's Caffe Italiano, a new joint I spied on a waddle up there. You know, the place me and Juneau went when he was visiting a few weeks ago. Remember, I was telling you, it's like being in il paese vecchio what with the homemade salt-and-flour map of Italy on the wall and a TV with Italian shows on..." "Non dire un'altra parola, Jack. I'll put these rescues in a vase, beautify, and we'll be on our way." A few minutes later, on account of this place is in the neighborhood, we walked into Italy-on-Alberta. Dolly-girl gave the special board a scan. "No need to even bring me a whaddaya-want, I'm having Enzo's special, paparadelle di massaria. You know there can't be nothin' to complain about when you slather a clucker in crème, toss in some spears-o-asparagine, and pour it over some pasta!"

It sure did sound good, but I knew an order like that from a mouth like mine would get me a phone call from Professor Javier Boleyn before Enzo could sing A Che gelida manina. It was a new place, but there wasn't an ombra di dubbio that the good Professor already had his Boleyn's Eye View installed in a joint like this one. He'd know that I'd be here faster than a Lambretta zips through the Piazza Venezia
(© Wheels of Italy, I think since I took it from their website)

Andrea, which any old person might think is said AN-dree-ah, but what she said was an-DRAY-ah, met us with a buonasera that meant business. Enzo and Carmella were outside, waiting for the evening rush, and from all appearances, having a quiet chat--hands were moving, of course, but not like it was serious talk going on. She steered us towards some biancho e rosso, brought a plate of some fine tasting dipping oil, and a cestino di pane.

"Si prega di portare noi una insalata verde per avviare." "My jaw dropped. Apparently while I've been out waddling off the LARD!, Fiora has been mastering the Italian. "Bene, è sulla sua strada" Yipes, it really was like I was in the old country! The salad showed up doused with just the right amount of a homemade and some of the best shaved wax I've ever had. "Grana, Jack. It's called grana, not wax." "OK, Dolly-girl, penso io." "Quit speaking Google, Jack. I see that iPhone (® along with the rest of the currently known universe, by Steve Jobs) in your lap!

anDRAYah was back after she saw that we'd mowed through the salad like a John Deere through a field of timothy hay. I tried to act like there was some connection between the ethnicity of my name--D'Mestiere, not Jack--and ordered the orechiette e cime di rapa con acciuga. "Enzo's gonna love making that one for you--it's his favorite anchovy dish. But I have to tell you, the rapa isn't right so it's coming out with broccoli--OK with you?" "OK con questo ragazzo!" anDRAYah looked a little quizical. "He's speaking from Google Translate. Jack, you're not that much of a youngster anymore." OK, some I'm not a ki, but I smiled like one when the feedbag arrived. The combination was as tasty as it comes to my way of thinking.

Dolly-girl's paparadelle di massaria arrived and it was as special as promised. The crème was rich and spiced just right. The chicken was tender and the pasta was perfect. Dolly-girl was all smiles for this anniversary! "This hits all the spots I was hoping for, and then some. And, I'm going to have it again for lunch tomorrow. anDRAYah, una scatola per favore!"

Coffee for me and tiramisu for Dolly-girl were going to top off the night, we thought. But Carmella had a different idea and anDRAYah showed up with due bicchieri di limoncello. "Complimenti di Carmella ed Enzo. felice anniversario! And oh, by the way," she pointed up at a small box in the corner, "I turned of the tiramisu-cam and sent in a trouble report, so you don't have to worry about the phone call..."

If a taste of Italy is what you're looking for, you'll find it staring you in the face on Alberta Street!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Dispatch from Mash Tun

Tatchos and beer with friends on the 4th of July. 12 Thumbs Up!