Dispatch from Youghal: Floating down memory lane

“Dolly-girl, I’d like to head over to You-gal for a quick gape at something.”

“It’s pronounced Y’all, Jack, like Dixie Devereaux says it. What’s up over there?”







“Well, in the summer of 1956, Moby Dick, starring Gregory Peck and Richard Basehart, was released. I went to see it with Bill and Pete, my friends. We spent the rest of the summer either pretending we were Cleveland Indians on our way to the World Series or the crew of the Pequod. We weren’t either, of course, but it was fun. So I want to go to Youghal because that’s where the scenes on shore were filmed.” 

“Well, what lad wouldn’t, Jack? That’s sweet!” 





“And it inspired my art work in the fall of ‘56...”

Dispatch from Killimer: Adaptive expression of genetic traits

"Jack, I'm old for me age, amn't I? I mean I got silver threads in me coppertop, and me clackers tain't what they used to was."

"Gee, Dolly-girl, I think yourself looks just fine! Just go back to thinking about that orange marmalade you don't like—you know, the one with the golf course we passed this morning."

"You got a couple gargles on Jack? No more Guinness for you. I'm not slagging over a few jars with yourself about that guy. If he had one more wit he'd be a half-wit. Save yer breath for cooling yer porridge!"

I was worried, so I gave Professor Javier Boleyn a call. "Yes, Jack, you did the right thing as I AM an expert on everything. I suggest you consult my book, "Two Steps to Understanding Genetic Expression: When your lass goes all Irishy on you."

"I skimmed it...".

"Well, read the whole thing. That latent DNA that Fiora carries is in full expression. You're in for a long row of potatoes to hoe..."

Whoan.

Dispatch from Crossmolina: Cuairt chuig an tír dúchais

Fiora: Here we are, Jack. Crossmolina, County Mayo, where my great-great grandfather was born!

Jack: Hey, there's a brewery in town! It's called Reel Deel!

Fiora: Crossmolina is on the Deel river, Jack. And Reel is spelled like a fishing...

Jack: I get it Dolly-girl. Look what the name of the beer is!

Fiora: Home Sweet Home, Jack!

Dispatch from Bushmills, Northern Ireland: Where red sweaters come from

Jack: Look Dolly-girl, sheep with red wool. I guess that's where red sweaters come from. Sure would take a lot of them critters to make a sweater!

Fiora: Not even you, Jack, not even you...

Dispatch from Knowth

Jack: these mounds are pretty cool, Dolly-girl. It must have taken quite the earth moving equipment to make them.

Fiora: Jack, these are from the Stone Age. They didnt have " equipment" in those days. Honestly, didn't you read any of the information in the Visitor Centre? These are perhaps the best examples of Megalithic art in the world!

Ailbha (the archeological interpreter): Think of it this way, sir, they're big, they're old, and there are dead people inside...

Fiora: The perfect Jack D'Mestiere take-away! Thanks Ailbha!

Dispatch from Liverpool: Don’t play favorites

”So this is where it all happened—Liverpool, eh, Dolly-girl?”










“Jack, what happened in Liverpool is a chapter in the history of rock and roll—an important one, I’ll grant you—but a chapter. Why even John said, ‘If you had to give Rock ‘n Roll another name you might call it Chuck Berry’.”

“John, who?” Wave-shot.  A Waveshot is sort of Dolly-girl’s take on a mic drop...

“Who was your favorite, Dolly-girl?”









“My fav was John...”

“Why, Dolly-girl, you haven’t called me that in years...”
Rimshot. Mic drop. Out.

Dispatch from Notting Hill: Who doesn’t like a rubbish movie?

After a day of wandering Londontown—I think Professor Javier Boleyn calls it that—I said, "Dolly-girl, howsabout you and me go put the feedbag on, and maybe the drinkbag too." "Good idea, Jack. I've got my eye on an osteria up on Notting Hill!" "Isn't that where they made the movie? I want to go to the bookstore cause maybe Julia Roberts will be there!" "Jack, don't make me go RT on you—it was a movie!




We found the joint. It was Eye-talian alright. Tia Tilly’s apron if they didn’t have some good grub! As were were walking back to the subway (“Remember, it’s called The Tube, Jack...”. “Oh yeah, it’s tubular, like those pasta thingys. That got me a shot through the wave...) I spied it!

The house with the blue door, Dolly-girl!  I told you!” “They all have blue doors, Jack. Look around, look around...oops, slipping into another production.” “I know Dolly-girl, it’s that play you like about the sawbuck guy...” Waveshot. 



Ok, most of the doors were blue, but then I detected, ‘cause that’s what I do, this:













And this:

“Ok, Jack, so a MOVIE was made here. That doesn’t make it a true story. 

"Look here, here’s a place called the Blue Door and it’s green!”

“Looks blue to me, Jack...” 

“Well, it’s not.”


So we kept walking to get back to the TWOOBE—I notised that the coulourful Brits spell things wrong so I’d fit right in—and we came upon a shoppe that Dolly-girl needed to stop at.

“I guess Londontown’s gone all Green Cross too.”
“It’s a pharmacy and an apothecary , Jack. Jeesh.”

I followed her in. As usual, she’d struck up a conversation and was learning from the druggist that he met his wife in that shop. And proposed to her there. “Like the movie, only real,” he said. “Just a boy, standing in front of a girl...”

“Shut it, Jack. We got a train to catch!” But I say a secret smile under the wave. “Ok, we want the train towards Bromley-by-Bow. Sure hope the professor wasn’t watchin’ my dinner tonight...”

“Jackie-boy, about that Tagliolini con Gamberetti, Zucchine, Prosciutto Crudo e Pachino...

“Whoan...”

Dispatch from Buckingham Palace: Forget tea, pass the Hendrick’s

Jack: These pictures were taken just before we went in to see the Queen at Buckingham Palace. They wouldn't let me use the Kodak inside the gate or in Her Majesty's presence, so you will just have to take my word for the fact that she's a pretty spry bird and someone in there knows how to make a gin & tonic...

Fiora D'Mestiere: FAKE NEWS! SAD!

Dispatch from American 136: Damn this is a long flight...

"Dolly-girl, lookee there! It's been 9 hours since we left Los Ang-a-lese and we're only over Pennsylvania! There’s Plymouth there on the sky map—that's where you used to set the brake on your bike 'cause you didn't drive! I don't know if I can make it all the way to England!"

"First, you don't have a choice, Jack. They won't stop the plane and let you off. Second, that's Plymouth, England, not Pennsylvania! See, London is right there! My Plymouth is named after this one."

"I think that's London, Ontario, Dolly-girl. It's in the right spot..."

"Jack, this London—the English one— is northeast of Plymouth. London, Ontario is northwest of Plymouth, PA! You are a ..."

"Whoan. Don't go all Rex Tillerson on me, Dolly-girl!"

Dispatch from LAX: Headed to Jolly Old England

A while ago Dolly-girl said to me, "Jack, let's head over to the Ould Sod for a break from Yam-Man and his daily day care antics." "I'm on board Dolly-girl..." "No you aren't, Jack. You aren't on board 'til you walk up the gang plank..." "Ah, it's called a jet bridge I think..." "You know what I mean!" "Yeah, I do."

Let's go!

Dispatch from the Hawai'i Hut: One Year of Retirement

Dolly-girl: Jack, isn't today the one-year anniversary of when you quit punchin' a time clock and when full time private-eying?

Jack: Indeed it is Dolly-girl. And in honor of the day I decided to be hip and get ink!

Dolly-girl: You didn't!

Jack: I did! And I'm having a SPAM® and eggs for breakfast. And a beer!

Dolly-girl: Whoan. Will he ever act his age?

Jack: Pass the bottle opener, please!

Dispatch from Hawai'i Hut: Jack, you're no astronomer

Dolly-girl: [yawn] Jack, what in the name of Tia Teresa's telescope are you doing out there? Aren't you tired after seeing 9 biomes today and seeing temperatures from 65 to 95? And driving to South Point, Volcanos Park, and in the rain?

Jack: I'm just looking at all the stars Dolly-girl...

Dolly-girl: I don't think you have an astronomer's camera, Jack. Or even an astronomer's creativity.

Jack: Well, you may be right Fiora. I look at the stars and see things like, well a thousand points of light...

Dolly-girl: Oh Emm Gee, Jack! That's a Bush 1 saying! Can't you at least quote Jeb! On the eve of whatever tomorrow will bring?

Jack: you mean when a racist takes the stage as perhaps the next president of the You Ess of Ai Yi Yi? I think I'll just keep taking pictures of the sky. Look, there's 769 points of light...

Dolly-girl: You do that, Jack

Dispatch from Keoki's Roadside Cafe: I'm with you Professor

Jack: I'm proud of myself Dolly-girl!
Dolly-girl: Why's that, Jack?
Dania: yeah, tell us Jack, is it because you didn't finish ALL the beer we had last night?
Jack: No, first, Dania, you and Čučo were helping with the beer and second, I heard Professor Javier Boleyn in my ear saying, "Jack, don't eat Donkey Balls!" And I didn't!
Dolly-girl: Well, there's something to be proud of Jack! Let's see if you hear the Professor when the chips and salsa come out!
Jack: Say again, Dolly-girl...
Dania: Exactly! Stay away from my cheese puffs!

Dispatch from 19.3131 N 155.8866 W

Jack: By God, Dolly-girl, you are right--this is paradise!

Dolly-girl: Uncle Bill's briefcase, Jack. You and Čučo are already at it. Dania and I will be the class of this outfit!

Jack: Errrrp...

Dispatch from Alaska 843: Are we there yet?

Dispatch from Alaska 843: Now we're gettin' somewhere

Dolly-girl: What's your gadget say, Jack?
Jack: Well, Dolly-girl, if the satellites are working and Phonetta is receiving, we've only got 1700 miles to go!
Dolly-girl: Aunt Donna's doormat, Jack--WE'RE CRAWLING!
Jack: Well, it would have to be the Australian Crawl cause we're over the water...
Dolly-girl: Can it, Jack!
Jack: If you insist!

Dispatch from Alaska 843 : Take your seats...

"As a matter of fact, Jack, they don't need your help flying the plane." "But I'm sure the guy in the blue shirt is coming to..." "Jack D'Mestiere?" "Yes". "Instructions from Professor Javier Boleyn. Your special meal of a grape and 3 macadamia nuts is on board. Read this book, please." "Huluing to Hawai'i: 2 steps to a Tropical vacation without LARD! How did he find me?" "Alaska Airlines is a codeshare partner with Boleyn Enterprise's Torture Air..." "Whoan"

Dispatch from SEATAC: So far so good

"Aloha, Čučo and Dania, lets warm some stools before this Clipper"

Dispatch from PDX: SEA-TAC calling

About a few months ago, the blower jangled. I thought maybe it was a job calling--trouble that needed to be put on the run. "Yallow, D'Mestiere Investigations where your trouble is no trouble at all..." "Jacko, Čučo and me are thinking of hopping on the Clipper and heading to the largest of the chain of volcanic islands called Hawai'i. You and Dolly-girl interested in joining in? "Let me check, Dolly-girl..." "Yes, Jack?" "She says yes. I'll book us seats on the same Clipper flight..." "Good. Meet you in the libation section of the D Concourse in the Seattle-Tacoma International Aerodrome. 9/23. Don't be late..." Click.

"What did you want, Jack? I was upstairs." "Oh, nothin'. Just talkin' to Dania Inebriata-Beach. She said to say Aloha, and she didn't mean that one in Oregon..."

Dispatch from Bávaro, La Altagracia, Dominican Republic: Accomplishing a goal

Jack: Well, Dolly-girl, I accomplished a goal today. Get to do a cross-off on the old Too Do list!

Fiora: That's To Do, Jack, not Too Do. Read that book I gave you, will you?

Jack: Hmmm, I thought it was Too Do 'cause it's a list of what I want to do too...

Fiora: Whatever. What goal did you achieve, Jack?

Jack: I went to a swim-up bar!

Fiora: That's what I like about you, Jack, always setting your goals near the heavens...

Jack: Well, it was a stretch goal--I had to stretch to reach the drink on the bar!

Fiora [thru the wave]: Ai-yi-yi, Jack!