Friday, September 30, 2016

Dispatch from the Hawai'i Hut: One Year of Retirement

Dolly-girl: Jack, isn't today the one-year anniversary of when you quit punchin' a time clock and when full time private-eying?

Jack: Indeed it is Dolly-girl. And in honor of the day I decided to be hip and get ink!

Dolly-girl: You didn't!

Jack: I did! And I'm having a SPAM® and eggs for breakfast. And a beer!

Dolly-girl: Whoan. Will he ever act his age?

Jack: Pass the bottle opener, please!

Monday, September 26, 2016

Dispatch from Hawai'i Hut: Jack, you're no astronomer

Dolly-girl: [yawn] Jack, what in the name of Tia Teresa's telescope are you doing out there? Aren't you tired after seeing 9 biomes today and seeing temperatures from 65 to 95? And driving to South Point, Volcanos Park, and in the rain?

Jack: I'm just looking at all the stars Dolly-girl...

Dolly-girl: I don't think you have an astronomer's camera, Jack. Or even an astronomer's creativity.

Jack: Well, you may be right Fiora. I look at the stars and see things like, well a thousand points of light...

Dolly-girl: Oh Emm Gee, Jack! That's a Bush 1 saying! Can't you at least quote Jeb! On the eve of whatever tomorrow will bring?

Jack: you mean when a racist takes the stage as perhaps the next president of the You Ess of Ai Yi Yi? I think I'll just keep taking pictures of the sky. Look, there's 769 points of light...

Dolly-girl: You do that, Jack

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Dispatch from Keoki's Roadside Cafe: I'm with you Professor

Jack: I'm proud of myself Dolly-girl!
Dolly-girl: Why's that, Jack?
Dania: yeah, tell us Jack, is it because you didn't finish ALL the beer we had last night?
Jack: No, first, Dania, you and Čučo were helping with the beer and second, I heard Professor Javier Boleyn in my ear saying, "Jack, don't eat Donkey Balls!" And I didn't!
Dolly-girl: Well, there's something to be proud of Jack! Let's see if you hear the Professor when the chips and salsa come out!
Jack: Say again, Dolly-girl...
Dania: Exactly! Stay away from my cheese puffs!

Friday, September 23, 2016

Dispatch from 19.3131 N 155.8866 W

Jack: By God, Dolly-girl, you are right--this is paradise!

Dolly-girl: Uncle Bill's briefcase, Jack. You and Čučo are already at it. Dania and I will be the class of this outfit!

Jack: Errrrp...

Dispatch from Alaska 843: Are we there yet?

Dispatch from Alaska 843: Now we're gettin' somewhere

Dolly-girl: What's your gadget say, Jack?
Jack: Well, Dolly-girl, if the satellites are working and Phonetta is receiving, we've only got 1700 miles to go!
Dolly-girl: Aunt Donna's doormat, Jack--WE'RE CRAWLING!
Jack: Well, it would have to be the Australian Crawl cause we're over the water...
Dolly-girl: Can it, Jack!
Jack: If you insist!

Dispatch from Alaska 843 : Take your seats...

"As a matter of fact, Jack, they don't need your help flying the plane." "But I'm sure the guy in the blue shirt is coming to..." "Jack D'Mestiere?" "Yes". "Instructions from Professor Javier Boleyn. Your special meal of a grape and 3 macadamia nuts is on board. Read this book, please." "Huluing to Hawai'i: 2 steps to a Tropical vacation without LARD! How did he find me?" "Alaska Airlines is a codeshare partner with Boleyn Enterprise's Torture Air..." "Whoan"

Dispatch from SEATAC: So far so good

"Aloha, Čučo and Dania, lets warm some stools before this Clipper"

Dispatch from PDX: SEA-TAC calling

About a few months ago, the blower jangled. I thought maybe it was a job calling--trouble that needed to be put on the run. "Yallow, D'Mestiere Investigations where your trouble is no trouble at all..." "Jacko, Čučo and me are thinking of hopping on the Clipper and heading to the largest of the chain of volcanic islands called Hawai'i. You and Dolly-girl interested in joining in? "Let me check, Dolly-girl..." "Yes, Jack?" "She says yes. I'll book us seats on the same Clipper flight..." "Good. Meet you in the libation section of the D Concourse in the Seattle-Tacoma International Aerodrome. 9/23. Don't be late..." Click.

"What did you want, Jack? I was upstairs." "Oh, nothin'. Just talkin' to Dania Inebriata-Beach. She said to say Aloha, and she didn't mean that one in Oregon..."