Saturday, March 12, 2011

Wondering Around Stumptown While Waddling Towards Fitness

I was sitting at the bar, resting my barking dogs and nursing a tall, cold one when the blower sparked. "RAY-dee-oh Room. You got Bar-Am, here. Yep. Yep. OK, JB, here he is. Jack, JB on the horn for you." "JB?" I thought. "Who is 'JB' and how would 'JB' know I'm here? Yallow, it's Jack." "Jackie-boy, you'd better get the thought of that second beer out of your mind." "Professor Boleyn? Wait, how come Bar-Am gets to call you...JB!?" "She's part of the team, Jackie-boy. A colleague. An important cog in the ever-grinding gears of Boleyn Enterprises (® Boleyn Enterprises). "She works for you?!" "Independent contractor, but a vital part of the Boleyn's-Eye-View--I'm calling it BEV, by the way-- (® Boleyn Enterprises) satellite surveillance system--ground-truthing, they call it in the remote sensing biz." "Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. What can I do you for, JB..." "A-HEM" "...I mean, Professor?" That's better, Jackie-boy. You are not part of the team. You are what we need to truth on the ground." "OK, as I asked, what can I do you for." "Cute, Jackie-boy, cute. 'Do me for...' Tell me what you did for yourself, Jack, and we can go from there."

"Well, Professor. I think you would be proud of me. It's been raining, and more was forecast, but, with your words buzzing around me like black flies in a Minnesota June, I grabbed my slicker and headed out. First up, on Overlook..." "Yes, I have a tracking record for you there..." "I saw this window in a pretty nice house with a wo-manakin dressed in a superhero costume, complete with a foundation garment over her top. Sorta made me wonder about Wonder Woman (
© forever, DC Comics, I think). She's old enough to be having some memory problems..."

What else you got for me Jackie-boy? I need more way-points to make sure the BEV Cluster (® Boleyn Enterprises) is working correctly." "Well, I've got this picture I took of a Google Map (® Google, Inc.) on my Blackberry (® Research in Motion)." "Good, good. Continue."

"After my head cleared from wondering about Wonder Woman, or her misdressed likeness, I started wondering again and this time I wondered what other wonders I might run into if I waddled far enough. So, when I got to a proverbial fork-in-the-road, which actually looked a lot more like the intersection of North Denver and Lombard, I happened to remember that the 31-foot-tall statue of Paul Bunyan, erected in 1959 to honor the then-giant timber industry AND Oregon's centennial, was in Kenton. I turned north and later, rather than sooner, I was there. While impressive, I have to say that it's not as impressive as the 49-foot-tall Paul at Trees of Mystery, California, which also features a 35-foot-tall, anatomically correct Babe the Blue Ox. Plus the checked shirt makes him look like the Manners Big Boy back in Ohio."

"OK, Jackie-boy, let's pick up the pace here. It's not like you are my only project. Plus, I've got tickets for a production of Cymbeline (© sometime around 1605, The Bard) that is set entirely in a basement studio apartment in Tuscaloosa, Alabama--I haven't got all day..." "OK, so after the wonderment of Paul, I saw this sign, which made me wonder who would actually admit that they wanted economy dentures, but then I realized that there were reasons, perhaps related to the new art of 'Sedation Denistry,' that could lead a loved one to be able to make a choice that, say, you might not make on your own..."

"Professor, by this time, as you might imagine, I was pretty hungry. So, it is with great pride that I tell you that I waddled right past the Nite Hawk, that was advertising a special DELICIOUS ROAST PORK DINNER. I did feel laser-beam-eyes focused on me, and a draining feeling inside me, as I trundled along." "Ah, yes, Jack, the BEV Appetite Tractor Beam (pat. pend. 2011 Boleyn Enterprises). It was a test of my latest system designed to aid those in need when temptation is strong. Another innovation fully described at http// (© 2011 Boleyn Enterprises).

"I continued to waddle up to Alberta, and then to the Radio Room, from whence I speak to you now. So, that's the story. By the time I get home, and then waddled up to the supermarket with Dolly-girl.." "How is Fiora? Give her my regards, please." "Fine. Will do. resupply with staples, you know, Finn Crisps, water, and air, I will have logged about 11.4 miles." "Good start, Jackie-boy. What's up tomorrow?" WAIL!

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