Sunday, July 24, 2011

Waddling Around Stumptown: Marking a Milestone.

"Here comes one on two hops, Jack!" "Thanks, Bar-Am, no trouble fielding that one." "I guess not. Just like back when you were playing the second bag, eh?" "How'd you know I was an infielder?" "I got your Rookie Card, Jack. Cleveland ball club, a long time ago." "Yep, another time, another story, Bar-AM, but it's as true as my life." "Never did find another card though." "Nope. Rookie. That was it. Curve balls. Not sayin' more. Nice of you to hold the card though. I could sign it for you..." "Naw, I don't think it would help. I tried to trade you for a Pat Corrales Manager Card--do you know he averaged 28 and a half games out of first during the 5 years he was managing--and I never did get even a nibble. Anyway, why the teeth showing through your mug today, Jack? What's tickling your fancy other than that tall cold one and the beautiful day outside?"

"Well, you know Bar-Am, it's not the taster tray of Imperial IPAs I just knocked off down the road..." "Yeah, someone told me you were in another joint. I was gonna be hurt if you didn't show up..."
I continued, "It's the fact that for the fist time in God-Knows-How-Long when I look down I see my belt!" A hissing sound filled the room, followed by "Eleven years, Jackie-boy, that's how long it's been." "OK, so God and Professor Javier Boleyn both know. Anyhoo, I noticed this week that when I looked down, I didn't see the familiar LARD!, but an unfamiliar shiny metal object."

"Bar-Am, please include the cost of Jackie-boy's beer on the monthly invoice for placing the Boleyn's Eye View (® Boleyn Enterprises) cam and mic. I know you've been swimming upstream metaphorically, Jackie-boy, and I'm quite proud of you for championing the 2-Step Duh! Diet. You have literally walked your ass off, Jackie-boy. Look at this silhouette captured by the Boleyn's Eye View Sky Cluster (® Boleyn Enterprises) this afternoon. Look there on the left at the top of your leg. Your ass is missing."

"Well, that's one gumshoe job I'm not going after, Professor. Wherever it is, it can stay lost! Catch you later, Bar-Am, I got concrete to wear out!"

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