Sunday, July 1, 2012

Waddling Around Stumptown: Where Did June Go?

Here are the numbers for June--not bad considering travel and the continuing effects of whooping cough...Bzzzzzzz-Bzzzzzz. I knew it. "Yallow." "Jackie-boy..." "How did I know it would be you, Professor?" "You learned from experience? Wait, I, Professor Javier Boleyn, author of my newest best seller, Steppin' Into Summer: A 2-Steppers Guide to A Bathin' Suit Body, is not ready to give you that credit."

"Droppin' your Gs there like a certain former Alaska Governor, aren't you?" "Hush if you know what's in your best interest." "WILCO. OK, so the month sure didn't start so hot, but look how I finished." "Exactly, Jackie-boy, let's look at how you finished."

 "And the map doesn't do me justice! I also walked in Wenatchee and Corvallis." "Yes, those are walks to be proud of, I'm sure. In Wenatchee you did manage to eke out 7 miles one day, but only 4 the next, counting waddling to an Italian ristorante for a not-exactly 2 Steppin' meal." "Well, at least I waddled." "True, but Corvallis, or Cortopia, as I call it, come on, Jackie-boy. You waddled down to meet Beluga Slim and you downed not one, but threee beers by Russian River." "You have a typo, there Professor." "It's emphasis, Jack, emphasis."

"But don't distract me. Last weekend, the Fridge-O-Cam (do I still have to write in here that the Fridge-O-Cam and all other technology is a registered trademark of Boleyn Enterprises, a Holy-Owned subsidiary of iSaint Steven?) spotted a growler of Pliny the Elder (that one belongs to Russian River Brewery, Santa Rosa, California, and no one will argue with that!) in your refrigerator and only one Pliny drinker in the house. The next day, the growler was reported empty by the Growlometer..." "GROWLOMETER?" "...Yes, of course. How else could Dr. Rachel S. Graves, MD, and I monitor your intake?" "Whoan."

"I continue. Last night, at 11:30 PM, the month almost over, the LaCroix Living Room Monitor, recorded this scene.  Really. 11:45?" "What, Mittsy is wired?" "Actually, Mittsy is wireless, but as you know, if Mittsy doesn't have the technology, it's not worth having. But that's not the point. The point is, Jackie-boy, that even though the Scal-Email showed you up 1.5 pounds, you still chose a night cap. Really." "Yes, really. Frankly, Professor, I was having a good time and, well, the hell with it. I've changed. I'm back on my good behavior. I went for 2 walks today and..."

"And, you ate this at the Word of Mouth Neighborhood Bistro. A great way to start the month, Jackie-boy."


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