I climbed into my rig, fastened my belt, did a quick safety check, and started it up. The radio crackled and I heard "LaGrande Dispatch, Professor Javier Boleyn on Table Rock." Damn. "Professor, LaGrande Dispatch--long time no chat..." What, even LaGrande Dispatch knows him? "LaGrande, it has been a long time, but I'm on a mission. First, are you still 2-Stepping over there?" "You betcha. Let 'er Buck!" "Quaint. I'll send you a few copies of my new book, 2-Steppin' The Round-up: Lassoing LARD With Your Lariat." "Hey, that would be great, but I'll bet that's not why you're bouncing of our repeater this morning..." "Indeed. Have you heard from Jackie-boy this morning?" "No, but I expect him to call in shortly. Listen for..." "LaGrande, 763 on Bone Point." "Why there he is now. Why don't you all take it to Project. LaGrande clear."
"Professor Boleyn? What brings you to these parts? And how do you know LaGrande Dispatch?" "You bring me here, Jackie-boy, and the Professor knows everyone. But let me explain. You have been missing, Jackie-boy. The Star Cluster has been searching, but with little luck. There was a lead last week from Dania, the dear, but then we lost you again. No familiar visits to your favorite taverns, no images on the Sky Cams, the Tap Cams, or the Food iPod Cams..." "You mean He owns the food pods now?" "Do you have to ask, Jackie-boy?" But I digress. Why look at the map of your existence in Stumptown for the last month...WHAT IS UP?"
"Well, I never. I never thought I could lose you. Here's what I've been up to, though." "Why Jackie-boy, these walks are in Eastern Oregon and Washington. Eeew, what are you doing there?" "Assignment, Professor. I'm over here looking after some things that need looking after. I told you." "You did, but why should I believe you? Like that Randall..." "Hey, what happened to Randall?" "I had to discharge him, the sniveling twit. He had the nerve to question the edits I made of his ghost writing. Really..." "Let 'er Buck!" "You aren't going native on me are you, Jackie-boy? Fiora mentioned some native behavior..."
"No, not at all." "Well, in reviewing archival images, I can see that you are doing something, but I don't know what that something is. The Sky Cluster Law Office Cam picked up an image of you and you look, well, "Cowboyed Up... And the Boleyn Enerprises Credit Cam has detected a startling number of restaurant meals lately and the maps I've been able to piece together show a half-hearted attempt at walking." "But I've been traveling, and traveling is hard..." "Save it, Jackie-boy. I expect more than a paltry 6 miles a day. I smell a relapse and it smells like a skunk to me. You'd better get hopping." "But I have to look after things..." "Can it. Boleyn clear.""Whoan. OK, Professor, I'll get on it. Whoan..."
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