I told you it wouldn't be long...

 Minding my own business, reading the latest offering from The Krug--how things have changed about the way a gumshoe keeps up with the news these days. I was sayin' to Dolly-girl just the other day, "Maybe I need to get one of them StackSubs for D'Mestiere Investigations."

"It's not a StackSub, Jack--you've been spending too much time hanging out around that sandwich shop. you discovered in the Pearl District. It's SubStack, an online publishing platform and more. And you need that, well, like my cousin Gaylord needs more streets named after him." "Well, can you have too many..." "Don't go there, Jack!"

Turn's out I couldn't go there because my blower lit up like the Xmas display on 32nd Ave. A sinking feeling preceded my Titanic fear that I knew what the who's-it on the old buzzbox was going to say.

"Well, Jackie-boy, the Boleyn Megacluster informs me that you have emerged from what seem so be an almost six year hibernation. Unfortunately, Professor Psychic, Boleyn Enterprises's newest venture, and, I say modestly, the world's best best in generative AI, tells me--literally spoke to me--that in all likelihood, you are the only animal ever to leave such a long hibernation having gained weight!"

"Whoan. You just gotta understand, professor, these have been tough years. First the pandemic. Then, well, you know, recovery from the pandemic. Then the fall-off in business due to all the happiness related to January 20, 2021. Celebration means food and drink, right?" "Go on, Jack." He wasn't buying it. Then there was the inflation..." "Clearly you interpreted the word incorrectly, Jack." "...and then that orange turd got re-elected. What's a fella to do?"

"Jack, this requires a new approach to 2-Stepping. I have had Professor Psychic place an emergency order for my new book: When 2 Steps Won't Do It: How To Do 2 Times 10 to the Fourth Steps A Day."

Whoan. This isn't the last I've heard on this subject. I'll bet you my Aunt Ada's adenoids...