Saturday, January 1, 2011

First Meal of the New Year: Jubitz Ain't No Radio Room, I'll Tell You!

"Jack!" Mummph. "Jack, wake up! It's a brand new year and I want to go out and get some birdseed at that Jubitz place that me and you saw on all those billboards when we were comin' up The Valley on the I-5 from seeing the Bard with Professor Javier Boleyn, remember, the ones that say 'Almost There! Only 70 Miles to Jubitz' those ones." Mummph. "Jack!" Whew, musta been all that belly-laughing last night that got a bee in her nightcap. Jubitz? How many times have I heard "Line 8, Northeast 15th Avenue, To Middlefield Road, To Jubitz" when I catch the "Line 8, Northeast 15th Avenue, To Middlefield Road, To Jubitz" in downtown Stumptown to come home after Thelma tells me, "It's OK, Jack. Trouble's on the run today, go on home to Fiora and the boys." The "boys" are Fiora's cats but Thelma and Dolly-girl and Kitty and Kay call them "boys" instead of "cats." You got me.

The image below is a screen grab of a Jubitz
Corporation-copyrighted web page

"It's a truck stop, Dolly-girl." "Jubitz is a truck stop and a whole lot more, Jack. I read about it. They got restaurants, a hotel, deli, laundramat, urgent care, movie theater, clean restrooms, a scale, a truck wash, and free Wi-Fi! They were named #5 in the 'World's Classiest Truck Stop' competition by the Fox Travel Channel! People say 'If you can't be at home, you should be at Jubitz' and "Jubitz is a destination all to itself' and other things like that." Still sounded like a truck stop, and any endorsement by anything Fox didn't carry a lot of hod with me. "I want to go there, Jack. That's that." Well, when Fiora Antonella Bianchi says 'That's that', that is that. We took the truck (of course) and arrived in short order. Get it, truck stop, short order...Oh, did I ever tell you how irritated Dolly-girl is because her first and middle names mean the same thing?

You could tell it was a truck stop because there were a lot of trucks around, including 3 or 4 inside the restaurant. There were also signs all over the place that give you the idea that maybe the Jubitz Corporation had worked with a management consultant on Total Quality Improvement.

We slipped into a booth in a spacious restaurant that didn't look anything at all like a truck stop. Missy stopped by, handed us a whaddaya-want, and asked us if we wanted something to drink. A crack in the armor. Every truck stop I've ever been to, she would have arrived with a coupla cuppas. I made a mental note, ordered a joe--Dolly-girl asked for a baby and a glass of Bull Run. She slipped off to find the drinks. She brought them back. The joe was, well, jane, which shouldn't happen in Stumptown. The baby was, well, sour. She brought her another one. "It's on the house, honey. No one should have to get sour milk."

The images below are pictures of copyrighted print of
The Oregonian and the New York Times and Paul Krugman

We figured out our feedbags, told Missy, and turned our attentions to the broadsheet Dolly-girl had brought with us. What did we read that was good news for 2011? The Baby Boomers are turning 65 and they don't have any of the money they thought they were going to have because of what we saw on the next page about Voodoo Economics and how it's still going on in spades, hearts, clubs, diamonds, Trump, oil, and banks. oh, and our state ranks last in adult care. Happy New Year!

I took a chance from the Hashslinger and had him drop a couple cackleberries on top. Dolly-girl can't corral her thoughts so well in a place like the Cascade Grill at Jubitz so she went for a jack with a love apple and rose, a dose of wreath in mayo, and a side of Murphies. I was passing on the short stack, but she told Missy to bring them along and she'd see what she could do. As you can see from the Kodak on the right, quite a buffet hit the table in front of her.

We dug in and while our jaws were still going up and down, no words were coming out. Not even a 'yum' or an 'mmm.' Dolly-girl soon determined that her eyes had been bigger than her stomach. What the Cascade Grill at Jubitz lacks in, shall we say, culinary excellence, they make up for in volume. Not necessarily, or even optionally, a fair trade.

After we finished and settled up, we decided to walk around and see just what goes on at #5 in the World's Classiest Truck Stop ratings on New Year's Day. We were there so I could tell you here that not a hell of a lot was going on. We did note a map of the US labeled with tiny laminated call-out boxes that had comments in them from people who have been to Jubitz and who felt compelled to write. That was pretty exciting to Dolly-girl who has always wanted a lamination machine of her own. We also noticed a framed letter and picture by a betrothed truck-driving pair who will spend their honeymoon at Jubitz. I hope their wedding breakfast isn't the corned beef hash...

If you are headed north or south on I-5 and you are starved and need gas, weighing, a laundry for clothes and truck, some urgent medical care, a movie, and an Elvis skull statue, the Jubitz and its Cascade Grill is just the place for you. As for me, I'll just stay on shank's mare and keep it local.


ΜaRioNaSTRo said...

happy new year!!!

Karen said...

Next time, it's Radio Room for sure!

Ronna said...

No poutine on the menu? That's the one savings grace around here...all the truck stops have poutine as a fall back position.