Saturday, January 22, 2011

Wellness on Alberta Redux: Will Waddle for Beer!

"I'm headed out, Dolly-girl--don't expect me back before an hour before Old Mister is over the yardarm..." What a beautiful day for a waddle in Stumptown. With Professor Javier Boleyn's words ringing in my ears (might as well be his words, something is ringing in my ears all the time at my age), I headed out. Six-point-oh-seven miles later, I parked my carcass at Radio Room and ordered a tall cold one. "Have a tall cold one hop over here!" "Roger, Jack."

An hour later I was checking in with my personal coach, Professor Javier Boleyn. "OK, professor. I waddled 6.37 miles today." "Very good, Jackie-boy. Did you stop at the Radio Room?" "I did." "Based on your prescription, you were were entitled to 0.778 pints of beer. Hmm, that's strikingly close to the 0.8 pounds that a pint of LARD! weighs...Anyway, did you stay on track?" "Well, er, ah. Well, for the sake of Sam, Professor, a guy can't order 0.778 pints of beer. I had an entire pint. I owe you." "Did you stop anywhere else?" "What if I did? You said I could have 2 pints at Radio Room if I waddled 16.63 miles..." "Jackie-boy?" "Well, you didn't say I couldn't stop at Mash Tun for another..." "Why, oh why, am I wasting my brain as a personal coach? Wail!" "Get over it Professor. Can I buy you a beer?"

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